Saturday, March 15, 2014

momentary happiness

Cross-posted from my tumblr just because...

I'll try to be productive today while listening to this one over and over...or at least stare at this MV for the nth time since yesterday? Or not...that would be creepy but it happens sometimes, lol. Also sort of obsessed with Hanamura Sota, that cute redhead <3 ....and you don't want to know how many times the play button has been abused. On the upside, it's keeping me from getting depressed again or at least momentarily. 

The depression's mild or I think it is but it happens so frequently not only do I find it annoying but...well, it's annoying. I'm probably just burnt out from work, thinking about life and trying to finish my thesis. Applying for another job post of the same thing was clearly what drew this one on. Did I really think I can juggle three jobs at once? Nope, I was just mental these past few days. Thing is, I don't even need to be under the influence of anything like drugs or alcohol to be in this state. I'm someone who can mess up anything so easily without any unhealthy vice I find them unnecessary (I only drink socially and that means really rarely these days). It's mostly work-related problems getting to me so meh. :\

Yep, I'm a Jfangirl and there's no shame in being one. Fandom and being excessively into it is probably my one and only not-so-healthy vice. I'm a boring person. LOL. 

I hardly open things up about these so consider it a snippet on what goes on with me sometimes.

Just a thought: I, at times, feel the need to disconnect from society in general (including the interweb) and all the clutter life throws my way. Times like these help me sort out my thoughts, priorities and others. It's like going on a personal retreat of some sort. Now, I have a handful of really good friends and some decent acquaintances but I find it a luxury if I can have time to recollect in silence, preferably somewhere where no soul knows or recognizes me. I only feel lonely sometimes but it does help me start fresh over the next few days. There was a time back when I was in high school and early college when I can handle pressure really well but now, it's just not the case anymore. I keep having the need to compensate for every moment I put a little of myself out to the public. The upside of such a habit is that it keeps me from self-destructing which is something I'm not to put off in the near future, I keep thinking it will happen anyhow. Right now, I just keep being amazed how I can pull through much, much later on. I've always been the life-loving kind---never was suicidal or close to it, also it'd really be a waste of time and life if I or anyone else I know were---as I have been since a child, so self-destruction only means taking time off from things for me. So right now, before I pick up where I left off in terms of work and stuff, I'm taking this time to recharge my batteries and just listen to the music.

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